   q: What do Indian girls do on their 21st birthday?
   a: Scratch the red dot and see if they've won a dairy.
What do you call lawyers burried up to their necks in cement?
        Not enough cement!
SCUD - Seldom Causes Unfortunate Deaths
 How many BA students does it take to change a light bulb?
        One...but they get six credits for it!
[Pinched from Letters page, Evening Post, May 24, 1991]
    Sir, "Tell me, who got you in the shape you're in?  Jenny Craig?"
    "No.  Jenny Shipley?"
  [Eileen Lynch, Naenae]
Rise the death of the Y-front!  [from CURSE]   what'll be next?!?!?
Join Pillocks anonymous, use a PC today!
You stupid ionic bond of a rotting cheese flavoured cabbage!
Join THE revolution! Use A _BBC_ today!
The mind boggles . . . . . . . . . . boggle boggle!
Whats the differance between sticking yer hand down Kylie Minogles

Tee-shirt and driving a Lada ???
You feel a tit driving a Lada !!!  hahahaha!
Don't you just hate it when you are writing grafitti and you get cau
Laugh at your problems..... Everyone else does!!

Why doesn't anyone ever add graffiti?
Don't hate yourself in the morning.  Sleep in till noon.
No it doesn't.
DAVE'S COMMS PROGRAM RULES!
ROSE'S IS RED
VIOLET'S IS BLUE
IF YOURS IS ITCHY
YOU'VE CAUGHT IT TOO.
Support wild life       ... vote "yes" for an orgy.
What's long and hard and has semen in it?
        NO!  A SUBMARINE
Well it's not quite the end...

RING RING! ...click... "Devil here, who in hell do you want?"
10 .. 9 .. 8 .. 7 .. 6 .. 5 .. 4 .. 3 .. 2 .. 1 ..
Challenger has lift off!  Whhhhhoooooooooooooooossshhhhhhh!
                     -=KABLOOMM=-

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I'm a schitzophrenic and so am I.
D O N ' T   S T E A L  !!!  --->  The government HATES competition!
If it's hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
Eat my shorts!
To make a short story take a long story and make it maybe not quite so long.
The vogon constructor fleet hung in the air, sort of like a brick doesn't.
 Type ADD to add some graffiti!
A new way to meet someone ... pummle them with a blunt electric bread cutter!
Beep if you love Jesus, two if you love Ginger!!!
^<@<.@*        hat less at less point at star
!(   @|=>    wow open tab at bar is great
Q: Whats Australia's contribution to NZ's 150th anniversary?
A: Reruns of Family Feud.
Imbecility takes many forms - eh, Eddy?!
  TELECOM WANTS TO CHECK YOUR BOTTOM!
Join the army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Do you want the whole road, or just the piece I'm using?
Gullible - Means someone with lots of money....
If you can read this, you're TOO CLOSE....
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
If you don't like the way I drive, just keep off the footpath.     MX
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
I have dynamic ram, it needs to be refreshed.
I Shop, Therefore I Am.
All's well that ends.
Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
Catch somebody doing something RIGHT today!
If you don't have a dream, how are you going to have a dream come true?
Out of the greatest despair comes the greatest creativity.
If someone chucks you a lemon, make it into lemonade!
This Graffitus intentionally left blank.
Life is a series of probabilities.
As I think, I am.
IBM - I Breed Magnificently
IBM - I Beat a Macintosh
IBM - I Can't Spell
IBM - Intercontinental Balistic Missile ....... Gone wrong!!
IBM - Island Banana Merchants   Rarotonga ltd.
IBM - Internal Bleeding, Man!
Some computer error messages from Knuth's TeX
    * Sorry, I don't know how to help in this situation.
    * Maybe you should try asking a human?
    * An error might have occurred before I noticed any problems.
    * ``If all else fails, read the instructions.''
    * This can't happen.
    * I'm broken. Please show this to someone who can fix can fix
    * I can't go on meeting you like this.
    * IMPOSSIBLE.
    * A funny symbol that I can't read has just been input.
      Continue, and I'll forget that it ever happened.
    * I dddon't go any higher than filll.
I compute;  Therefore I am.
I gotta great memory -  it's just short.
Males never have to become mother-in-laws....
There will come a time when cannabis use will be so widespread they will
BE FORCED to legalise it...

Q. Whats the difference between a homosexual and a microwave oven ?
A. A microwave doesn't brown your meat....

q. If a race was held between a white man and a black man through a tunnel, who
   would win?
a. The black man because he has to stop to write Mother Fucker on the wall
Q. Who killed more indians than General Custer?
A. Union Carbide.

Xanax does it better..
Ronyl makes you feel so good so fast...!
                                ~~~~
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Time. n. That which prevents everything from happening at the same instant.
Drop that line and come out with your receiver up!!
hip man !!!-Ive nearly got a second drive !!!!
Loomus the Sqagwangler is now showing at your local.
girls wanted for orgy this weekend in orongorongo's
What do you call a Maori in a big red Volvo?
A bus driver.
Why don't Samoans like blojobs?
They don't like any jobs!
How can you say I'm unreasonable when all I want is my own way?
DMC -  Dairy Milk Centers
Bumper sticker -  "Ham radio operators to it in the shack!"
Try Drixine nasal spray...  It turns your nose into a wind tunnel!
cucumbers are clean
cucumbers won't insult your looks
cucumbers will dress up however you want
cucumbers are better lovers
cucumbers won't moad if you feel them up at the supermarket
 
Our Father which art in Hell, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom is come, Thy will is done; on earth as it is in Hell!
We take this night our rightful due, and trespass not on paths of pain.
Lead us unto temptation, and deliver us from false piety, for
Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever!
 Acoustic coupler - Aural sex.
Q-Why did God invent the Orgasm?
A-So blacks would know when to stop Fucking!
Q- WHY IS SEMEN WHITE AND URINE YELLOW?
A- SO AN IRISHMAN CAN TELL WHETHER HE IS COMING OR GOING
Behold the crucifix; what does it symbolise?  Pallid incompetence
                                              hanging on a tree.
Life's a bitch and then you die...
my schlong is drong, for ive had no phlong...
castrate reapists...and have a ball
little red riding hood is a russian contraceptive
Q: Why do gypsies walk funny?
A: Cos they have crystal balls
why is it that women are only ever nymphomaniacs
  A) in the 8th month of pregnancy,
  B) when they've got their period

Cucumbers don't complain about the smell...
Cucumbers never depress you with their problems
Cucumbers don't fart at the crucial moment
cucumbers don't snore
cucumbers don't hog the bed
sorry i forgot
Cucumbers taste better...
Nudists are people who wear one-buttoned suits!!!
Constipation is the thief of time,
        -Diarrhoea waits for no man.

Jack is nimble
Jack is quick
But Jill prefers
The candlestick.

What made Elizabeth Arden?
   - when Max Factor

VD can be cured if treated early....so can kippers!
Blow your mind - smoke dynamite
Northern Ireland has a problem for every solution....
Northern Ireland has a solution for every problem...
Humpty Dumpty was pushed
I like sadism, necrophillia and bestiality.... Am I flogging a dead horse?
Join the Hernia society...It needs your support...
Jesus jogs.
Don't vote - the government will get in!

<------UNDERTAKERS
                   OVERTAKERS ------->

If your nose runs and your feet smell you must be upside down.
You don't buy beer - You rent it...
Keep things as they are - Vote the Sado-Masochist party
Jesus saves...  with Postbank
O.O.A.Q.I.C.I.8.2.Q.B.4.I.P.
The upper crust are just a lot of crumbs sticking together...
Marijuana is the thinking man's cigarette
One legged girls are a pushover
Down with gravity
Last tuesdays meeting of the Apathy society has just been cancelled...
Preserve wildlife - pickle a squirrel...
Genitals prefer blondes
Anyone believing in the Virgin Birth is labouring under a misconception
It's 12" long...but I don't use it as a rule!
The grass is always greener on the other man's grave...
Smile! You are now on candid camera!
What did the irishman call his pet zebra???
SPOT!!
HOW DAVID LANGE WILL COPE - next week "How to nail jelly to the ceiling"
Fight unemployment......Waste police time!
Time flies like knoves, fruit flies like bananas...
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination -Robert
My karma has just run over my dogma
Watership Down - Read the book, see the movie, now eat the pie!!!
Scotsmen (me) make the best lovers...the Japanese make them smaller and cheap
Let me put it this way -  you beat artificial insemination.
Dis board iz beeing velly bloody good and I am being sending da sysop a geeft..
Cucumbers can be used anytime, anywhere, and they will fit in a briefcase
Cucumbers mean no need for the "spill pill"
Cucumbers don't sleep around on you.
Cucumbers never get tired
Cucumbers stay hard for longer.
Cucumbers will sleep on the wet spot.
Cucumbers are cheaper
May the Dead rise and devour the living!
ssssssuuuuucccckkkkkk......ahhhh wow far out...
Wow like really freaky like....i mean far out manne..
And History reeks, of the wrongs we have done... (c) SpikE
 
Everyone knows once Nossi knows!
If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel.
Polymer Physicists are into chains.
God isn't dead; he's just not playing.
IBM - Idiotic loody monsters...
 
Tiffany is a strip club, not anything bloody else!
 
How can life be boring, when it's all been done again!!!!
aCommand? aCommand? 
smoke dope, chew gum, and fly home in a bubble!!
IBM - Incredible boring mutants
sex is like a bank account - first you deposit-then u withdraw-thenulose intere
Amiga 1200/75 coming soon.............................
Must fly its past my beddy byes!...
Sniff....Sniff...
Who Farted?
Brucey Did!
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotmy!
Just treat me like I was a potted plant,  man.
If you flick the ash off your joint over a fire;
  be careful how you flick ....
  It may fall in!
IBM - I buy Macintosh!!!
I like your guitar brucey!
BUY A CRAPY COMPUTER (APPLES) and throw it of a building.(The B.N.Z with luck)
If you want to fly, die, or have a good time, then do this.
Then buy and apple 2e and smash it to pieces with a sledge hammer !!!!
This is probabaly a complete waste of money but good fun.
Of coure you could just shoot it with a crossbow or run over it in a
Mk 3 Zepher !!!
E.S.P STANDS FOR   Extra Shitless Pixels
APPLE 2E'S HAVE E.S.P
Fuck all thats what brucey...
i dont know whatz happenin?
Well whatz happenin man?..
Is this noise in my head bothering you?                                   w
There was this warthog.........                                           w
Well, what's happening then?  Where's the Antichrist?                     w
definition of a mistress
fits between a mister and a mattress
10 times .1 rarely equals 1
Hmmm sorry...Party Down and get pissed cos life sux...
Part Down and get pissed cos Life sux....
What is the worst possible insult in existence ?
Flody?
Theory is definitive; reality is inaccurate
hi im the savage cabbage from the cabbage patch,i love amiga's
PINK FLOYD RULES
IF THINK ABOUT SEX WAS AGAINST THE LAW THE ELECTRIC CHAIR WOULD BE TO GOOD FOR 
I B M IDIOTS BUSINESS MACHINE
OLD ISBEAUTIFUL SIGNED CAVE MAN
Lexotan is Heaven...
=a good fuck....
6 times 9
............................... 42 ....................................
Just because a piece of string has one end, it does not necessarily
   follow that it has another end.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance,  Baffle 'em with bullshit.
...fish.
Are you having speed trouble with your programs? Run it on a Cray...
The difficult we di right now;
  The impossible just takes a little longer.
All men are potential rapists ....  All woman are potential TYPISTS !!!
Definition of indecient ... If its in long and in hard it's in decient 
I've got a pain in the diodes all down my left side
Everythings getting smaller these days,
  Mini televisions, mini cars,
  Mickey Mouse has a Minnie Mouse
Why is your typing so bad Tom? is it the Mac Keyboard?
How many IBM employees does it take to replace a light bulb?
  A hundred. One to actually do it; 99 to write the documentation.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  Two.  One male, one female
How many Mac owners does it take to change a lightbulb?
  One.  He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
   None.  It's a hardware problem.
I ain't no sysop.
Sysops like to watch
Don't drink and drive - Smoke dope and fly!
Old flames flare up when they are turned down
Drive carelessly and your motor car will only last your lifetime
I don't really want a user-friendly computer -
   Haven't you got one that's a mean old sonofabitch?
Sex Kills....
   But you die happy !!!
Splat...
And then without warning the Pulsating Student entered the room.....
Leggo' Fang!
         run dMc
 Stick with spike
Wanna be freinds?      Spike
Fuck I hate life    spike
Life's all a nightmare, I'll wake up soon...   Spike
Life is all a hoax
Do unto others before they do you     (c) Spike 1988.
never trust your best friend,he only wants to borrow your lawnmower or wife and
 they both come back fucked.
Who said that racist comment?
Keep N.Z white...kill a nigger
Who Farted ??????????
If an cluttered desk signifies a cluttered mind, What does an empty desk signif
Why do you wrap masking tape around hamsters?
  So they don't burst when you fuck them.
Keep New Zealand green.  Fuck a frog.
Keep New Zealand green.  Plant Cannabis Magnifica today.
Confucious say : Man with watch allways know correct time;
   Man with two watches never quite sure.
You know it's just not your day when
    you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Zark Off!
Dead people are cool!
   ======  ======    ====   ====
     ==     ==  ==    ==== ====
     ==     =====     == === ==
     ==     ==  ==    ==  =  ==
   ======  ======    ===     ===    Frontier advancement !
I'm crazy for you...
DON'T LET YOUR MIND WANDER - IT'S TOO LITTLE TO BE LET OUT ALONE...
If sex is a pain in the ass, them your doing it wrong!!!! M X.
Common sense is a set of predjudices gained by the age of eighteen.
ces't bien merde, monsieur!
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
    This may be the purpose of the universe.
Small change can often be found under seat cushions
A thousand reasoned opinions are never equal to one case of
   diving in and finding out.
Don't try too hard -  you just might succeed !
Do unto others, lest ye be done unto.
Thou shalt remember the eleventh commandment and keep it wholly.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
The eleventh commandment:
    Don't get caught !
Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of;
  But do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.
Support your local taxidermist;
    Get Stuffed!
First law of laboratory work:
    Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
Words are the most powerful drug used by mankind.
Everybody is entitled to their own opinion;
     However wrong it might be !
If i want your opinion i'll beat it out of you!!!!
Time wounds all heels.
Time does not logicaly exsist. You cannot measasure something with itself.Z.B
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
On a clear disk you can seek forever
Reality is an illusion caused by lack of drugs.
Time is an illusion created by people wif nothing to do!    (c) Prof.spike
**********************ZZ TOP RULES ROCK********************
I REFUSE TO HAVE A BATTLE OF WITS WITH AN UNARMED OPPONENT!
   (This means YOU Tony!)
Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But
   experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge
   the more likely they are to think so.
REENTRANT : Adj, Of or relating to a program specially constructed
   to mislead several users at the same time. This is one of the
   many ways in which a system can overcome timesharing.
When in doubt, use a bigger hammer.
If it works the first time, there's something wrong.
Cats are like baptists. They raise hell but you can't
   catch them at it.
At any given time there are more important people in the world
   than important jobs to contain them.
The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely
   proportional to the subject's true value.
Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
INTERFACE : noun.  An arbitrary line of demarcation set up in order to apportio
    the blame for malfunctions.
SHILOP : adl.,   also called ZCIWEISAKUL.  Reversed polish
stop the arms race before someone wins
Play the family game...
IBM - ITTY BITTY MACHINES
The next piece of grafitti is about the one 3 lines down (Squonk for dinner)
All this obscene thingy's about me is getting down on me... (Feeble joke)
Nothing Beats a Scarlet MK111 Zephyr Six....ask me!
I eat Lentils for Breakfast...Apples for lunch and Squonk for Dinner...
Hey steve are you A)Smashed B)Pissed or C)all of the Above?
Oh did i call myself silly....Oh so sorry i meant Sqonk...Rev No.1..
Meet you in the Mens room UN lobby
Graffiti writers Suck...
If you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
 
Squonk is wonked!
    **  Back up your hard disk today **  (This means you Squonk  !!)
Stevies way to test if you're drunk...
You now you're drunk when you cant feel your face...
I LIKE GRILS
You mean GIRLS !
WHAT'S WRONG WITH US GRILS?
Nothing beats an RX2 (ask squonk!).............ace
Im going to wriet this.....
I didnt write that  ..........ace
Mazda's RULE!!!!!!
If you can't Beat them with Brillance baffle them with Bullshit !
Please send a message to Darren Upton!!!!!!!!!
Hi I'm Darren Upton From Lower Hutt. I'm COOL!!
Im a laughing knome everybody
Its a real real real real real bummer when your hard disk crashes!
Eat an "APPLE" a day keeps the doctor away!
 <>>>>>>>>STOP THE NUCLEAR ARMS RACE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE<<<<<<<<<<<<>
 
 
 ...walking in your footsteps...
  ...they say the meak, shal inherit the earth...
 
 
   Hey might Brontosaurus,
 Don't you have a lesson for us,
  You were god's favourite creature,
 But you did not have a future,
 Walking in your footsteps...
 
 
   Fifty million years ago,
  You walked apon the planet so,
   God of all that you could see
 Just a little bit like me,
         walking in your footsteps...
 
Wanknipple the Absolutely Feared pissed here.
 
        (c) 1988 SPIKE
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water,
Jill forgot to take the pill,
And came down with a daughter
 
Eat the rich!
Life's a bitch and then you die!
You want credit,
Confucius say.
me no give,
you get mad.
me give credit,
you no pay,
Me get mad.
Better you get mad
c
  There was a young lady named Etta
Who fancied herself in a sweater;
Three reasons she had:
To keep warm was not bad,
But the other two reasons were better.
  There was a young girl of Aberystwyth
Who took grain to the mill to get grist with.
The miller's son, Jack,
Laid her flat on her back
And united the organs they pissed with
  Animals can be driven crazy by placing too many in too small
a pen.  Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this
to himself...Robert Heinlein
  A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain...Robert
  An elephant:  A mouse built to government specifications...Robert Heinlein
  $100 placed at 7 per cent interest compounded quarterly for 200
years will increase to more than $100,000,000 - by which time it
will be worth nothing...Robert Heinlein
ANZ/BNZ have Autoclank, National has Crashpoint, and Westpac Handywank
Q. What do you call a prostitute with a cold?
A. Full
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs
"I'm so cool you could keep a side of beef in me for a week"
If you think you're a wit,   you're HALF right.
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed
   opponent.   (This means YOU Tony!)
One thing lasts longer than a diamond....the payments
 
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
 
Wanky wanky wanky wank! We're your National Friendly Bank!
 
Ring 721 035 annd ask for a Buzz!!
Kill a Commie for Mommie
Here Here.... Filthy cunts!!     C=-+<<<SPIKE>>>+-=*
Will the perverted bastard that keeps leaving messages about kiddie fucking
         please stop it (if I see another one I'll tell everyone who it is)
 
PS/2 : Yesterdays Machines Today
OS/2 : Yesterdays Software Tomorrow
 
Fuck a kid today.  and so say all of us...
If she's old enough to bleed then she is older enough to be slaughtered. M X.
EATING AT MACDONALDS IS LIKE WANKING ITS ALLWAYS THE SAME AND YOU ALWAYS SAY
Flowers rule, bouquet ?
the end of the world as we know it is coming!
In the words of a sex-maniac (McDonalds worker)...
Old enough to bleed, old enough to butcher.
Whats the best thing about having sex with an 8 year old?
   - hearing the pelvis crack.
1 2 3 4 we don't want no Nuclear War!
2 4 6 8 , we don't want to raidiate!
Lazarus says " Fuck A kid today "!
You know you haven't had enough sleep when you have 3 cups of coffee
and can't keep your eyes open.
When you worship Jesus, you worship Man,
  for Jesus was no more than a crazy man.
Life: The whim of a few billion cells to be you for a while
IBM - Incredibly Big Motherfucker
IBM - I'm a Burroughs Man!
IBM - It's Broken, Mate!
Life takes all the fun out of dieing.
Stop violence in New Zealand - Get the Tongans and Samoans out of here.
   
Support Taxidermy -    Get Stuffed !
"A man in love would reach orgasm in a bucket.  Only a man in search for sex
 for sex's sake would complain about the tightness of a vagina and be struck by
 impotence"
Oh No, Here comes the pulsating Student!
q.Whats frothy pink and scatches on the window?
a.A Baby in a microwave.
If all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail
The tube substitution handbook is never wrong.  It's supposed to be
bright cherry red
come off
There are two kinds of tape, the one that won't stay on, and the one that won't
Life's a bitch!
Let's play Master & Servant !!!    (c) DePaChE MoDe...
Life is a       bitch...
And gave her a bone of his own!!!!!!
Rover took over,
But when she bent over,
To fetch her poor dog a bone,
Old mother hubbard went to the cupboard
q: What has six sides and is covered in hair?
a: A Pubic cube.
OLD MOTHER HUBBARD WENT TO HER CUPBOARD
relocate samoans on a certain french atoll (note lack of capitals...)
and get the irish out of Ireland
get the yanks out of Nicaragua
get the russians out of Afganistan
get the palenstiens out of Isreal
get the pakistanis out of England
get the samoans out of N.Z.
one day someone come along and piss you off.....................
life is like a pubic hair on a toliet seat 
781134...........try it and find out.
a: how do you expect me to get hard when i just been laid.
q: What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?
q.how does an australian hold her likker.
a.by the ears.
q.What did the leper say to the prostitute
a.Keep the tip
IBM - Intelligence Below Minus 1
v
S.J. The High Flyer !!!!!!!!!!!!
 Stephen our well known SYSOP can fly higher than a Concorde !!!!!
Sometimes my orgasms are so heavy I throw up!
Q:Whats black and white and rolls along the beach.
A: A seagull and a maori fighting for a fish head
 
Support World Day for Laboratory Animals - Sunday 24 April.
 
There is no intelligent life on Earth, I'm just passing through (TR)
300 Telecom employes have been layed off.
        I need You !     lind.
a
Rentokil Pest Control...  Keeping you bug-free!...
Just look at Loungee!
you think Vivian's a bastard
 
Its a bloody option!
It aint a question
To be or not to be
A POLICEHORSE!!
WHAT ANIMAL HAS A CUNT HALF WAY UP ITS BACK?
All's well that ends.
The only way to bring the crime rate down is to reduece the number of offences.
Who can honestly say they haven't set fire to some great building?
I know I have.
A nods as good as a wink to a blind bat.
Real programmers get nackered after a 10 metre jog.....
that should have been " is " not " id " fuck this keybored! ( ha! )
 
 I say love, id the seventh wave...
 
 One world ( not three ) is enough for all of us...
 
I's six o'clock in the morning
And i'm stepping through the streets
The pavements cold and empty
got the blues beneath my feet
 
       We are the music makers - And we are the dreamers of dreams...
DISLEXIA RULES - KO?
Vent your anger - abuse a cop today!
Q.Whats 6ft. long and drags along the seabed. A. Mobeys' dick.
Definition of indecent...if its long enough...hard enough...and in far enough..
Definition of indecent.
It's me, Dave!
Dave's not here!
What do you call a wanker who can't jerk off any more??
   An exspurt
Haveing fun is half the fun.
How do you determine the sex of a chromosome?
    -  you take off it's genes.
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
Some people manage by the book;
   Even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
Trying to stay healthy is killing me.
If a piece of string has one end then it has another end.
Common sense is a collection of prejudices gained by the age of eighteen.
C'mon now; type your jokes backwards,
    cause it's no fun reading the punchline before the joke.
 One's a Jumper, t'other's a Pullover
Wot's the diff'rence 'tween a flea 'n a condom,....
A. Car tires don't sing when you put chains on them.
Q. What is the differance between negro's and car tyers
You can't measure time in days the way you cam measure money in dollars
    because every day is different.
What's green and goes red at the flick of a switch?
     -  A frog in a blender.
Don't eat yellow snow.
An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less
   Until they know absolutely everything about nothing.
Wher in the world is Carmen Sandeigo?
For those of you who find you are throwing away things you need
  and never needing things you keep,
  we offer you the following advice :
    If you are about to throw it away, keep it.
    If you are about to keep it, throw it away.
First God made an idiot for practise; Then he made programmers.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Those who can, do.    Those who can't, Manage.
IBM - Infernal Blasted Machines
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
Time wounds all heels.
This sentence contains a lie.
Support mental health or I'll kill you.
If more than one person is involved, no-one can be blamed.
Potassium Ethoxide rules, C2H5OK
All along the untrodden paths of the future are visible
   the footprints of an unseen hand.

Excuses are like arseholes;  Everybody has one.
The teenage prostitution problem is mounting.
Living on Earth is expensive,
   but it does include a free trip around the sun.
If you aren't narrow minded, how come you can look through
   a keyhole with both eyes?
Say it with flowers.  Send a triffid.
Nature is a dull affair, soundlss, scentless, colourless;
  merely the hurrying of material, endlessly, meaninglessly.
I am a human being. Do not fold, bend, or mutilate me.
Every day is the dawn of a new error.
Keep New Zealand green. Fuck a frog.
All's well that ends.
A. YOUR THONGS ARE MISSING AND THE DOGS PREGNANT.
HOW CAN YOU TELL A SAMOAN HAS BURGLED YOUR HOUSE.
DEFINITION OF A TOILET ROLL-250 TICKETS TO THE TROTS.
Why be normal?
... I am the future! ...
Yo Spike! Roll over and die already.    Just Kidding.  We luv ya Sikie.
Squonk cannot drive for shit! Try "Power Stop!"
Logic is a organised way of going wrong with confidence.
You're not drunk until you can't lie on the ground without
Holding on. (Isn't that right Tony?)
Don't eat yellow snow!
That's a nice shirt you're wearing. Do you work for IBM?
Is Little Red Riding Hood a small Russian contraceptive?
When you're up to your arse in alligators it's hard
   to remember that your original objective was to drain the swamp.
Beam me up Scottie; There's no intelligent life down here.
You are never alone with schizophrenia.
The universe seems fine in theory,
   But I doubt that it will ever work in practise.
    To be is to do.  (I. Kant)
    To do is to be.  (J.P. Sartre)
    Do be do be do.  (F. Sinatra.)
I can't STAND intolerant people.
One suffers going to the dentist,
   So that one doesn't have to go to the dentist and suffer.
Arsonists of the world ignite.
Bad spellers of the world untie.
Cisterns of the world unite.  You have nothing to lose but your chains.
I wouldn't say you're indecisive;
   But have you thought of getting a job as a metronome?
No problem is simple until it is solved.
We need some new cliches.
I never used to be able to finish anything but now I
Test Tube Babies  -  Designer Genes.
If you feel strongly about graffiti,  Sign a partition.
One man-hour can represent one man working for an hour, two men quibbling
   for thirty minutes, or a billion men pussyfooting for 3.6 nanoseconds
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.  But the leaves are good to smoke!
If you think the Commodore is @#$% then the spectrum must be @#$%$#@#$@!!!
Beware the alien man who calles himself PRINCES DIANA!!!
I B M - Involuntary Bowel Movements
Yeah, gidday. Tis now Easter Sunday.  I don't have the energy to look at my wab
Dierra is heriditory - it runs in your jeans
Q: What's see-through and lies in the gutter?
A: A Maori with the shit kicked out of him
Q: Why don't they have swimming contests in Samoa?
A: All the good swimmers are already over here
IBM - International Bunny Men
IBM - Imitation Burroughs Machine
IBM - I Bugger Mice
Help the police...  Beat yourself up...
A thought for Good Friday:
  I poke a spear through Jesus' heart as he hangs from the cross,
  and laugh with joy as I watch him bleed to death!
Yer gherkins for ferkin not jerkin
Stop jerkin yer gherkin
His mother said Perkin 
Who couldn't stop jerkin his gherkin
There was a young fella called Perkin
A. Your grandmother
What is pinky grey and wrinkled and hangs out your pyjama pants?            
Life is the great indulgence - death, the great abstinence.  Therefore, make
  the most of life - HERE AND NOW!
::::  b o o !  ::::

I leave all suckers in the dust,

Those dumb muther-fuckers can't mess wif us!

Is it...................................Live?
Sex before 8 before it's too late!
Fucka kid 2 day!
Violets are red and roses are blue, if you agree, you must be color-blind 2
-----------------------------
The Wall is a legend! -------
-----------------------------
 
I dont wanna car man! I want the garden spade! ("A Pain in the Arm", J. Carrot)
 
Touch'a my car I break'a ya' face
Touch'a my face I break'a ya' car
roses are red, violets are blue, Im schitsophrenic and so am I.
and so am i.....
im schisophrenic ,
roses are violets are blue ,
 
Wow, I feel mentally buggered after adding all those. 
 
Stupidity cannot be cured with money,
  or through education, or by legislation.
  Stupidity is not a sin; the victim cannot help being stupid.
  But stupidity is the only universal capital crime.
  The sentence is death, there is no appeal, and
  execution is carried out automatically and without pity.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: None; It's a hardware problem.
Once I couldn't even spell Progrumer.  Now I is one.
Allways listen to experts. They will tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.

Small change can often be found under seat cushions
Get the law before it gets you!  Join NORML!
Next Tuesday is hereby cancelled due to lack of interest.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Specialization is for insects
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the
   unknown without help.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Age does not bring wisdom. Often it only changes 
   simple stupidity into arrogant conceit.
History has the relation to truth that theology has to
   religion.  ie, none to speak of.
Don't try too hard, You might succeed
Do unto others lest ye be done unto
Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of drugs.
Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive!
Do not adjust your mind - there is a fault in reality.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
It's true I'm a slow learner but I compensate by being a fast forgetter.
Who The fuck Madame Zaveria????
Gravity is a myth... The Earth sucks!...
Who is the Fuckwit who keeps saying random things about "Computer nerds"?
Don't drink and drive -- Smoke dope and FLY!
there is a substantial body of evidance which links banging away like an armed
policemen with pregnancy
Disipal is the only real way to pleasure!...
Don't go BUMP, Until you know who you're bumpin'
Fings that go bump in the night are not necessarily intruders
how long does it take an aussie to have a shit?????  9 months????
What do you say to a black with a job?   A: 2 sections please
To err is human -- to totally muck things up needs a computer
where do people have the most short, black, currly hair??? Africa!!!
Always check your speeling and never abbrev.
Always take your vitamin tablets in alphabetical order.
   (It hasn't been proved necessary but why take chances?)
If they can put a man on the moon, Why can't they put them all there?
 
      //
Telecom
~~~~//~
     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sucking the shit out of you!...
 
Dataloss by Verbatim
Oh no, yet another clone!
Why die when your tyres die?
Hey Squonk how are the MORO bars going. I think they now make an electric opene
What do you call a samoian A: disk doctor
Commodore - Morons from inner space!
We made Amiga, they fucked it up!
                                  why
It's life Jim, But who cares?
Or should I say " Phil "?
Great to see you, the extra arm suits you, nice ship you've stolen.
Parking cars.  What else does one do in a carpark?!
I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cerial!
148
 
Commodore Computers will inherit the earth...
 
::::::::::::: WARNING WARNING ::::::::::::::: anti -V- sector approaching
 
aa
  
... you a nice warm feeling but nobody notices.
Doing a good job is like pissing your pants while wearing a dark suit. It gives
IBM - I've been mutilated
IBM - I've been misled
Life is wasted on the living.
If you have half a mind to buy a commodore computer, that's all you need.
Hand me the raprod, plate captain.
Run, Dmc and Jam Master Jay!
                     RUN dMc
        B e A s T i E  b O y S ! ! !
Get stuck in with incest!
Eat shit computer nerds !!!!!
Incest - Roll your own
Incest - A game the whole family can play
 
So you don't know the way to France either... Bugger...  'Blackadder II'
 
In the future people without AIDS must be wankers!
In the future 
Alamo#2!!!
Viginaty is like a balloon -- one prick and its all over
American Express? That will do nicely sir and would you like to rub my tits!!!
I don't come I arrive....
Forever backward I.B.M.
x
What's this I hear about a bloodless but naked stone??
The Nuclear Arms Race - A Dead Heat.
Ring David Lange on 719-998....!!
Vere ist der microfilm?  Shmack!  Don't vorry.. ve haf vays of making you talk!
must have bin sysop, while stuffing muff, stay clean or buy a pram.....
so I logged on as dave(someone else), who stuffed my Pword, its absurd
STUFF 108:////....Logging on as myself, I found my Pword was Stuffed, 
logging on, under name of dave
Jesus was a bum-fucker!!
Eddy well not be abel to speel.
 
 
A prissy old maid named Miss Hannah
Wrote Burbank a note in this manner:
   Could you spare a few hours
   From your shrubs and your flowers
And put a pulse in the banana
 
 
There was a young fellow from France
Who waited ten years for his chance.
     Then he muffed it
 
 
how do you know when a samoan is near you when it's k? ya see his teeth shining
how do you n    
COMMODORE RULZ THE WORLD
    J  EEEE  EEEE  RRR  Y    Y
i hate nerds
What's cute and pink and has a keyboard??      A Babbage Patch computer
I wouldn't trust a teacher to sit the right way on a toilet seat!!!!!
there is a lot of evidence to prove that teachers are liken to fornacating
monkeys
All techers parents are unmarried!!!!
would mean the end of mankind !!
If builders built houses like programmers wrote software, the first woodpecker 
It's not always free, MATE!
sex is like shampoo- free and lovely
Power corrupts - absolute power is even more fun!
Time goes, you say?  Ah no!  Alas, Time stays, we go...
The cosmos is a gigantic fly-wheel making 10,000 revolutions a minute...
Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it...
Religion is the theory that the wheel was designed and
   set spinning to give him the ride...
Sex... The final frontier...
YEAH,YEAH,YEAH.Gerry,gsuck fish eggs:hahaha
you dont know whats going on,what i am,so you also are:hahahahaha
Well if you say so tho if you have not read you message sector,
Space is warped, and so is time....  We live in a warped spacetime...
For a good laugh, ring the S.I.S... 726-170
Time is a waste of Life
Life is a waste of Time
so lets get wasted
and have the time of our lives
Space is Time, and Time is Space.
I ran over ten Samoans tonight.... they were so dark, I couldn't see them!
Commodore is $#|+ !!
Why do Samoans carry shit in their wallet? - For identification!
Don't drink and drive, sniff coke and fly!
The Blues had a Baby, and they named it Rock and Roll!
I went to a party in the county jail,
I sniffed some coke on a rusty nail,
I woke up in the morning with a terrible grope,
I pulled out my pockets, and I had no dope!
Smile, and the whole world wonders what you're up to!
Smile, tommorrow will be worse...
Smile, everyone.... Satan is coming...!
God's a poof, and his mother's got balls
poems!!!
backward
more
no
please,
and her tits on a hill in Brazil
in north carolina
they found her vagine
used dynamite just for a thrill
A certain young maid, name of Jill
No more rap shit, PLEASE!!!!
I Leave All Suckers In The Dust , Those Dumb Muther Fuckers Can't Mess With Us!
 
I've got the head of the devil and I throw it at you!
  
   
There was a young man of Khartoum
Who lured a poor girl to her doom
    He not only fucked her,
    And buggered and sucked her -
But left her to pay for the room
  
   
      //
 Telecom
 ~~~~//~
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Bringing you the future!...

When ya getting down to the Sting Sond_ve
 
In the city it's a pity Cause we just can't hide,
Tinted Windows don't mean nothing they knows who's inside...
 
Mother Comes In , Sez " What's That Noise? ",
Mummies Just Jelous It's The Beastie Boys!
I was Born Son Of Byford, Brother Of Al,
I'm so cool, you can keep a side of meat in me for a week!
I'm so hip, I have trouble seeing over my pelvis
Get stoned, drink wet cement!

There was a young fellow named Hill
 Who took a uranium pill
     His entrails corroded
     His belly exploded
 And his balls were found in Brazil
X marks the spot
Oh no, yet another Masterpiece..  Totally anonymous..!!!

Liposuction - for removal of unslightly Bolgers....
I got a nu turnimel ehh mate, and it friggin dusent go.  - Eddy.
Labour - the end of an error.
National  - the start of another..
               [Near Wellington railway station]
This is the END!
